Baked Turnkey

The Credit Card is a 86 by 54 millimeter polycarbonate rectangle that converts future earnings into present purchasing power at the point of sale, enabling the acquisition of any product, service, or experience that accepts it, which is most of them. It does not ask whether the purchase is necessary. It does not ask whether this is a good time. It asks for a PIN or a tap and then it is done and the thing belongs to you and the conversation about whether it was a good idea happens later, in a different room, at a different time, when the statement arrives. The Credit Card is the preferred tool of anyone who has decided that having the thing now is worth the administrative overhead of having paid for it then. It works everywhere. It works fast. It does not judge. It does however remember, in the form of a line item, every single time, without exception, with the merchant name and the amount and the date, forever, or until the account is closed, whichever comes first.

The Splendor Discount is a wearable coupon badge with a biological drill attachment system, designed to be affixed firmly to the chest or forehead of the human operator prior to entering any participating retail establishment. Once mounted, the badge presents itself to store systems as a verified discount credential, triggering a humongous discount at the point of interaction. Authentication is handled by the onboard identity generator apparatus, a multi-modal verification engine operating across synaptic, visual, biometric, and mechanically-powered identity channels simultaneously to confirm that the badge has been legitimately paid for and is not being operated fraudulently by a non-badge-having human. When authentication completes, the system spurts data like a geyser — a high-velocity burst transmission to the retailer's discount infrastructure that is both fast and, by design, unmistakable. The Pro version adds a camera strap peripheral that enables fully automatic purchasing: the operator simply looks at a product and the Pro's visual recognition layer processes the selection, confirms discount eligibility, and completes the transaction without requiring the human to do anything further except continue looking at things, which it was already doing. The Splendor Discount Pro is the official weapon of the Mount Iota mountain game, where Baked Turnkeys equipped with the Pro gain a significant competitive edge in the one-million-store scavenger hunt due to its look-to-purchase architecture dramatically reducing per-item acquisition time. The biological drill mount is the same across both versions.

The Grocery Grappler is the solution to those shopping encounters when you buy too much stuff to carry in one trip. You know the trick, put as many bags in one hand so you can open the front door, only to have the screen door knock your backside into another zip code. Have no fear, simply hook up the strap and the clips to your grocery backs to carry up to 300 pounds of bags. Perfect for walkers and apartment dwellers, the Grocery Grappler also works with reusable bags which are available for purchase on the website. The adjustable strap can slap it’s calmp across your chest for those all too heavy encounters. The Grocery Grappler also has two pockets to store your coupons or lists. Upgrade to the Pro version and get two straps and four clips for up to 600 pounds of grocery goodness to help you carry the load.

Ecosystems are groups of forests with a focus on the connections, functions and attributes of various intricate systems within its boundaries. Examples are a house, a closely connected integrated set of products, or a network sector. Use the fire alarm and some other examples in description. Whole house concepts and the applications of inputs and outputs, controlled environment.

The Entitled Emu is a large, confident, flightless bird of considerable self-regard who moves through the MTREES universe with the assurance of someone who has never had to wonder if they are welcome. She is welcome. She has decided she is welcome and this has been enough. The Emu does not ask for things. She is in proximity to things and they become hers, which is a different process with identical outcomes. Her beauty is the operating assumption from which all other assumptions are derived — the Beautiful Assumption Engine runs continuously in the background, generating conclusions that the Emu finds reasonable and everyone else finds load-bearing. The selfie spa is for maintenance. The gown is always the right color. The make-up plug is a professional relationship. She is not difficult. She simply has standards, and the standards are not going to be adjusting.