Cheezeburger in Paradise

Type: intangible
Law
PROBLEM

Humans do not know how to lose weight.

SOLUTION
The Cheezeburger in Paradise presents itself initially as a self-contained agricultural mega-contraption of impressive ambition: a closed-loop hamburger production system that cultivates bun plants from soil, routes livestock waste back as fertilizer, combusts excess methane gas to power the cooking apparatus, and draws water from a ground-level well to complete the circuit. It is, on the surface, a tree. It is not a tree. It is an intangible. Specifically, it is a diet — the operating principle of which is thermodynamically elegant and legally defensible: if the caloric expenditure required to acquire, prepare, and transport the food exceeds the caloric content of the food itself, the human loses weight. This is science. This is also math. The only remaining requirement is that someone pass the appropriate legislation, after which the entire problem resolves itself. The Cheezeburger in Paradise is available at no cost to the human willing to do the math. It is also available in three additional diet configurations for consumers seeking variety without deviation from the core caloric deficit principle: Egg Muffin Top, a breakfast-optimized variant; Fittin This Fish In, the aquatic protein edition; and Oven Baked Turkey Sammich, the preferred diet of the Boomer Ballet and the official sandwich of municipal procurement departments everywhere.
intangibles

The Law is a document. The document says No. It says No in 100,000 different configurations across an indeterminate number of volumes, subsections, amendments, precedents, footnotes, and clarifying footnotes to the footnotes, all of which ultimately resolve to No. The Law does not say Yes. It says No in a way that occasionally resembles Yes under very specific conditions that require a second document to explain, which also says No. It has been accumulating since the first person looked at another person doing something and decided that was not going to work for them. It has not stopped accumulating. The Law does not care if you have read it. The Law does not care if you could read it. The Law was not written for you to read. It was written so that someone else could read it to you at the exact moment it became relevant. Here is your sign.

Inspect
Inputs
Outputs
TREE
AVAILABLE INPUTS
AVAILABLE OUTPUTS
Schema
                            {
    "id": "intangible_diet",
    "name": "Cheezeburger in Paradise",
    "type": "intangible",
    "inputs": [],
    "outputs": [],
    "passthru": [],
    "children": [
        "intangible_law"
    ],
    "extends": null,
    "problem": "Humans do not know how to lose weight.",
    "description": "The Cheezeburger in Paradise presents itself initially as a self-contained agricultural mega-contraption of impressive ambition: a closed-loop hamburger production system that cultivates bun plants from soil, routes livestock waste back as fertilizer, combusts excess methane gas to power the cooking apparatus, and draws water from a ground-level well to complete the circuit. It is, on the surface, a tree. It is not a tree. It is an intangible. Specifically, it is a diet \u2014 the operating principle of which is thermodynamically elegant and legally defensible: if the caloric expenditure required to acquire, prepare, and transport the food exceeds the caloric content of the food itself, the human loses weight. This is science. This is also math. The only remaining requirement is that someone pass the appropriate legislation, after which the entire problem resolves itself. The Cheezeburger in Paradise is available at no cost to the human willing to do the math. It is also available in three additional diet configurations for consumers seeking variety without deviation from the core caloric deficit principle: Egg Muffin Top, a breakfast-optimized variant; Fittin This Fish In, the aquatic protein edition; and Oven Baked Turkey Sammich, the preferred diet of the Boomer Ballet and the official sandwich of municipal procurement departments everywhere.",
    "template": "intangible"
}

Universe Alpha